and it's not because it's cold

because it isn't

but i swear, i've never been more freezing 

he said, "my dear, it's the only thing you will ever fall in love with again" 

and i don't know why i asked 

because i always knew 

i always knew i would never love anyone

just 

as much 

as you. 

i can't stop shivering 

and it's not because it's cold

because it isn't. 

high school: where the only thing high is the boy sitting next to you

it's 6 o'clock mornings but 8 o'clock tardy slips
it's 10 o'clock curfew but 12 o'clock sneak out lips
it's sitting at red lights filled with morons in mazdas,
the ones cutting you off just as careless as the only boy you ever really loved.

it's boys ranking "how hot" lower numbers than their gpa's, hitting up girls in skirts shorter than your first kiss

it's the ones we put on pedestals, and all the ones surrounding them
it's all the ones surrounding them
thinking they're more lonely than all the ones surrounding them

and now it's may 24th 2015, and i can stand here proudly before you to say that high school,

sucked.

it's been the most lonely
horrifying
emotionally traumatizing
part of my life (so far)

but honestly,

i couldn't be more grateful for it

because even though i missed more first periods than i actually went, i learned so much in high school

and I'm not talking about the ceramics, or the calculus, or any AP government classes

I learned so much about myself

i learned that i love working with kids, and i can't wait to be an elementary school teacher. i learned that chocolate milk is my favorite, and it's the only thing that can calm me down when i'm anxious. i learned that i suck at math, but im really good at saying thank you. how i love to write, and i love to read, how i love the underdog, but i'll never be a cat person

i learned that A squared plus B squared equals C squared

how C equals love, but A and B don't always turn out that way

and when they don't, i learned that my mom still loves me, and my dad still loves me, and even if i yell at my sister in front of her friends, she still loves me too

so if i could give high schoolers any bit of advice, or anything to just help get through

i'd say,

find out what foods ease your stress. take classes you think you might hate. drop out of art history. be on time. kiss your ex (but not too much). be as selfish as you want. be as selfless as you want. just do whatever whenever you want.

because that's the only way you'll find yourself.

and that's far more important than finding x.


i love you

i will miss you

be heard.



people are listening.

trust me.

like a bandage 

around a finger 

and you're not even the one who's bleeding 

he said 

and not like first kisses, or like grandparents, i'll remember you forever

and i looked at him

and i cried

because i never wanted to be just a memory

my momma hates you.

i mean hates

maybe it's because she loves me so much

and i know this because whenever we pass a smoker, she always tells me i deserve much better than secondhand

i believe her,

but...

honey we're way past secondhand

we're on like ninth or tenth hand, and im forgetting how to breathe, and i can't stop coughing, and im trying to hide the smell, but everyone seems to know.

everyone seems to know.

how she sat on a wall

just to look a little taller

just to see a little farther

maybe finally get the chance to hold hands with the sky for the first time

maybe finally get the chance to look into the sky's eyes and find all of his galaxies

humpty was only 5'6,

she had short legs, and and a short temper, and a round sense of humor that nobody got.

she was supposed to be 7:45, but got there around 8,

she was never on time to anything

she had a different mind

a beautiful mind

one that wasn't ever over-easy

nothing near sunny-side-whatever

but more hard boiled

usually somewhat scrambled

something you'd eat salt or ketchup with, just so she'd taste a little better

but she didn't care

because she was so high,

she could touch the sky,

and he was all she ever wanted.

but humpty dumpty wanted it all

and as they all knew

she had a great fall

and all the kings pills, and and the kings meds,


tried,


to just catch her,


but they couldn't.

so humpty lay scraped and bruised, scraped and bruised,

because now, she couldnt ever take her eyes off him.

and every night,

he would fall too.

every single night.

but only long enough to kiss the ground once,

and whisper into her ear,

"i never liked scrambled anyways."

and these daffodils, they look beautiful, but they're not enough to save me

and the ice cream, it was thoughtful, but hunny it's just too late

it's too cold,

and it's too late.