you're just a stupid little girl

1:22 AM

most people hate their noses


their teeth, or their cheekbones, or the way their lips curl when they say certain words or talk to certain people

and sorry,

but life isn't fair;

even if the color of your skin turned out to be.

for the longest time i have thought being insecure meant hating something about your appearance. 

recently i've accepted the fact that my ears are too small, that my hair is too frizzy, that my eyebrows look 2 different sizes in pictures, and my fingers are far too fat to wear rings.

(ok maybe i haven't accepted that)

but i know i'm getting better.

there's just one thing i'm always losing sleep over.

my intelligence.

my brain.

not like, the shape, or the size, or the way it looks in pictures

but everything else

how i don't know how to explain myself when i argue

how every time someone asks me where the bathroom is i stutter

how when it rains i think about high school

how i said i wouldn't miss high school

how i'm ashamed to tell people i didn't get into BYU

how i miss 7 hundred and 45 things about a boy in bolivia

how i could write 1,000 blogs about a broken heart, but an essay on one would kill me

how i finally had the courage to ask a question and was laughed at

how i finally had the courage to go to church and was laughed at

how my driving makes everyone angry.


my friends make fun

i'm sad

and i'd rather be friendless

than sad

i wouldn't blame them

they wouldn't know

but i guess i wouldn't either.



7 comments

  1. Sam FrazierSeptember 18, 2015 at 1:30 AM

    i'm jealous of your mind tbh

    you are a lot of things

    but definitely not stupid

    love you

    also can't wait for my cd lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. Trevor KnorrSeptember 18, 2015 at 2:56 PM

    this is so good, you're so good, I'd kill for your brain.

    Okay that sounds insanely creepy..
    You get the point

    ReplyDelete
  3. Andie LongsonSeptember 19, 2015 at 1:07 AM

    so amazing. i feel the same exact way as you with the intelligence. but i would kill for your brain and your creativity. you are amazing at wrtitting and expressing your feelings into insperational meaningful words. thats what makes you intellegent

    ReplyDelete
  4. paige smalleySeptember 20, 2015 at 10:20 AM

    Insecurity is something I've thought about a lot and I don't want that to be true but who's not insecure.

    Blogs will always be more meaningful than essays anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hayley TannerSeptember 25, 2015 at 2:16 PM

    Ever. Single. Time.
    Please tell me your secret

    ReplyDelete
  6. AndraLeeOctober 2, 2015 at 6:22 PM

    how i'm ashamed to tell people i didn't get into BYU
    how i miss 7 hundred and 45 things about a boy in bolivia
    how i could write 1,000 blogs about a broken heart, but an essay on one would kill me
    how i finally had the courage to ask a question and was laughed at
    how my driving makes everyone angry.

    Thank you for this. I don't think I could ever express how much I needed it. You're amazing, Madeline.

    ReplyDelete
  7. JDPOctober 18, 2015 at 8:20 PM

    So unreal. You're so unreal.

    ReplyDelete